As one of the five tenants within the Values Network which I contribute to, Faith is one of those that can truly test your conviction. Though I've written about faith before, I was mostly talking about faith outside a religious context. Any guess why? Because I didn't want to be one of those overtly Christian people that have that knack for making you feel warm and cold at the same time. Those folks you can love and hate (but not really hate). Those people that make you feel good when you're around them, and bad when you're back by yourself. In each of these instances, the problem though is not about them. The problem is us, and when I say us I mean me. Yes, I am a proud church-going Christian, but I was just raised in an environment where we didn't talk about it much. "Our Sunday attendance was good enough" was the attitude and it just stuck with me. I'm not proud of that attitude and for years I've been fighting to pull myself out of that attitude and make a change. The good news is that I'm getting close. My heart is there. My mind is almost there. But the missing piece of the puzzle is my action. I am not living a life that is openly Christian and it troubles me. I teach my children to be examples of Christ and I try very hard to talk openly and make the conversations about God comfortable, but my actions do not follow my words. I'm now ready to fill in the missing piece and I'm doing it with FAITH.
So how do I change? I think the biggest problem I've always had has been "What will others think of me?" I assume this is a pretty common mentality. The first step is to stop caring about what others think. Check. The next step is to link our heart to our mind and find that trust in God that His way is not only the right way, but the only way to real happiness. Check. And the last step is the go out and tell everyone about God and be the evangelist that we should all be. Yup, that's where the brakes are hit for me too. Scripture says we need to give ourselves to God and he will take care of us. Have we ever tested this? How do we know that it's true? The obvious answer is FAITH. But faith in God is much more than a superficial trust. It's a belief that flows through us, and warms us, and puts our minds and hearts at peace whenever we're challenged. Faith is a constant embrace that squeezes us hard when we squeeze back, and squeezes us even harder when feel like pulling away. Our faith is an unconditional love and it is always good. Now let me ask you a question. If you knew of something that was so good and so plentiful that when you shared it with others, you received more of in return...would you hesitate to share it? That's the kind of love that we need to share with others and it's especially the love we need to share with our kids. I know it's not what tv and the movies defines as "cool". It's our job to redefine what's really cool. Keep it simple. No long flowing robes necessary. Having a love in our hearts and a peace of mind that only God can give is going to be the new cool, and I'm about to become very cool!
I got caught up reading a great little post from Tim Challies recently. He was reflecting back on a memory from childhood. This memory was vivid and warm and though it stirred good feelings for him, it also brought out some very painful times for him as well (Click Here to Read). I can certainly relate, but what troubled me while I was reading it was being reminded how easy it is to push aside those painful times and simply move forward. Some might consider it a blessing but I disagree. For Tim, the eventual confrontation of his own inner conflicts was very painful and he knew somewhere along the way he should have seen them a long time ago. For others like myself, I don't think I've forgotten. I just choose not to face the problems and I live without caring. I've perfected the art of apathy. No, this is not today's value - not by a long stretch. This is actually the opposite of an admirable quality. Apathy is simply a state of indifference and lack of emotion and when used in the wrong way, can be quite dangerous. I see it everyday - the mindless moving from one place to the next, doing the same things with the same people and living a life that is beyond mundane. When things go right...nothing. When things go wrong...nothing. We're consciously ignoring the life that we work so hard to fulfill and choose to mask it with reality programming or dopey sitcoms. Now I will admit, our 24-hour news cycle certainly doesn't do us any favors either. With wall-to-wall coverage of every shooting, bombing, kidnapping and courtroom drama, we're numb to things that used to be catastrophic. But that's our test. And this is my question: Is it possible to kill apathy? Is it possible to live with our eyes and ears and heart wide open? Can we live intentionally? That's a great way to put it though I can't say I came up with that phrase. Can we live intentionally? How will we do it? Let's start by listening to our heart and taking care of those things that we've been tucking away. Do we need to apologize to someone? Do we need to forgive someone? Or do we just need to talk to someone we've been avoiding because it's easier than meeting them face to face. Let's take a little time each day to clear the books of those things that are piling up in our lives. Let's make the future about others - our wives, our husbands our kids and our family and friends. Those are ones that matter. It's time to dump some heavy baggage. We don't need a twelve-step program. We just need one step, each day...and it moves forward.
I recently had the opportunity to attend a "conversation" with New York Times Best Selling author Andy Andrews promoting his new book. If you're not familiar with Andy (and I wasn't up until three weeks ago), he's quite entertaining. He began his talk confessing that both he and his topics tend to be all over the place and he was not exaggerating. His talk was very funny (he used to be a stand-up comedian) but surprisingly inspiring. He has two young children the exact same age as mine and his insights on parenting were refreshing. Sometimes it's nice to hear those words of wisdom that jangle around in your head actually come out of someone else's mouth and sound profound. Not only to you get the benefit of the message, but you feel sort of smart that you've been thinking the same thing...and then you feel kinda dumb because it was so simple and you just couldn't articulate it. At least you can spell "articulate" without spell-check.
But, all rambling aside, there were a number of nice simple messages that Mr Andrews tossed out to us that evening. One that hit particularly close to me was about the basic principles of life. Much like the values that I help share, these principles have not changed in a very, very, very long time. Whether your interests are business or parenting or leadership or any area that interests you, the core principles for success in these areas have been written by much older and much wiser folks than us (and by us I mean me). Read any guide or self-help manual on any such discipline and the hear the same words shared from author to author. Our challenge is what we do with these principles once we get them. They are no different than that shiny set of golf clubs in the attic that you've never used. They look great but they're useless unless we actually get them out on the course and USE them.
As adults, we have the freedom to explore any number of resources to find our inspiration, but there comes a time when we have to put that knowledge to work and share the word with our next generation. It's our responsibility. It really has all been written before, but in the eyes and ears of our kids, it's brand new. Spread the principles of success and watch how they grow. Find a voice that speaks to you and let those words help create the voice that you will share with your children. And if you do it right, your kids will grow up and seek the new voices that speak to them and be thoroughly amazed at the wisdom they learned from your words.
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.” - William Shedd
I thought after I finished Seth Godin's manifesto on education, I'd have a pretty good handle on the future of our educational system and how, as a homeschooling dad, we might be able to better approach the societal bottleneck that we're experiencing in today's workplace...not so much. As much as I love reading Seth Godin's work, I keep forgetting that his mastery in raising the issues, not providing the answers. His gift is in getting us to think for ourselves and do the work for ourselves. And when you ask enough questions, the answers will eventually come.
So, do I have the solution? Possibly, but first things first, I was more than a little disappointed that Seth didn't think that homeschooling was a solid solution to our failing educational system. It's being proven day after day and year after year that homeschooling does work and works very well. I'm by no means a snob towards homeschooling. I grew up in the mega-public school system and it was fine...at times. But now, with the cultural mandates, the violence, the unions and the woefully low emphasis on learning the inflated emphasis on test scores, no one can dispute that things aren't what they used to be. Though we've only been schooling our kids for six years, I am amazed at how efficient and productive we are. My two kids are just like every other kid. Some courses they like, some they don't. But despite their grumbling about work, these two excel at a rate I can hardly believe. They would have run circles around me at their age and that makes me immensely proud. Our curriculum is solid and diverse and I honestly wish every parent could experience this. Sadly, I know can't be the case. Parents need to work, some don't think they're "qualified" to teach and some just flat out don't want to do it. I get that, but I think as parents, we can be better than the sum of our excuses and rather than just accepting the rationalization of "this is just way it is", I think it should be challenged. If you want a better educational option for your children, create it. Millions of parents commit themselves to the success of their kids and you can too. You do have to make the commitment, though. There are hundreds of resources to guide you and even more veteran parents to offer encouragement and assistance. Just don't sell yourself short.
OK, this wasn't supposed to be pep rally for homeschooling but a continuing discussion how we can build a better future for our kids. It's a big discussion and I have a couple of radical ideas that are sure to shake things up. We'll talk soon!
 Last week I had the great pleasure of talking with author and speaker, Todd Wilson. As one of the most recognized and in-demand speakers in the growing world of homeschooling, not to mention a thoroughly nice guy, Todd's Familyman Ministries inspire homeschooling dads to embrace their roles as spiritual leaders of the home, be a relentless supporter of moms and to to simply "Be 'da Dad!" Todd is also a talented cartoonist. His humorous illustrations celebrating the ups and downs of homeschooling life are featured in homeschooling websites and newsletters across the country. Being a fan of inspirational and educational books, I've enjoyed number of his titles over the years. I was pleasantly surprised a couple of weeks ago, though when I picked up a copy of his fiction title, The Injection. I won't attempt to play book reviewer but I will say that this is a pretty moving story of love, redemption and the power of God's love. It's a great read and here's the Amazon link for more info and how to buy it.As much as I enjoyed this book, what I enjoyed more was the insight that I got from Todd during our conversation. I've seen Todd speak a few times and he's a tremendous speaker and entertainer. He's also an awesome husband, dad and RV expert (anyone who drives cross country in an RV is an expert in my book). What I didn't know is what he considered to be a cherished Value. Since I started writing for The Values Network, most all of the discussions have been from my point of view. I decided to change that and find out what Values were important to other people I respected and admired. Todd surprised me. Despite his great success and accomplishments (especially coming from a background that didn't involve writing), When I asked him what Value was closest to his heart, he said simply, Loving. As parents we all have challenges and Todd admits that it's not always easy. There will be good days and bad days and despite all the challenges and pitfalls, "My job as a father is to simply love them no matter what." And this is not just for your kids, Todd adds. This goes for your wife too. It's far too easy to be overly critical of your spouse and kids. The key is to be there for them. Love them when it's easy and love them when it's not so easy, but love them no matter what...just as God does for us. You should definitely check out Todd's site at www.familymanweb.com. Grab a book or three and and maybe he'll be in your area this summer and you can see him live. In the meantime, go tell your family that you love 'em! "The purpose of 'Dad' is to glorify God by loving your kids" - Todd Wilson
When I started this little forum, I pondered very hard on an appropriate title. Building Better Kids was simply the answer I continued to give when I asked myself, "What's my motivation here?" So my subject matter has always been built upon the foundation of building better kids through stories, quips, reviews and basic random ramblings that hit me throughout the week. I never intended to acknowledge any political issues (actually just the opposite) because raising our kids is waaaaay more important than any political issue. No matter how questionable the economy is or how stupid our political leaders may act, how I raise my two children trumps their dopiness any day of the week. That being said (which is code for "Now I'm going to change my mind."), some political issues can actually have an affect on how we raise our kids and what we choose to teach them.
Enter today's juicy story featuring Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown law student who spoke in front a congressional committee in support of government funded contraception. Now there are a number of important facets to this story which may push you to support one side or the other. I'm going to ignore most all of the to be fair to both sides and just focus on the one that makes me stand up, scream an expletive (to myself, of course) and start typing. This issue is personal responsibility. If you're concerned about the religious issues, or the tax issues or the more colorful parts featuring radio talk show hosts, feel free to do a web search of "Ms Fluke Contraception" and you'll be entertained with all of them. My concern is that there is a highly educated young woman pleading for our government to fund contraception. Why? Here argument is that it can cost a lot of money. Ms Fluke is quoted, “Without insurance coverage, contraception, as you know, can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school.” I'm certain it can. And beer gets expensive too but why don't we pay for co-ed beer parties? That question is too stupid to answer. But apparently our government thinks it okay to hear an appeal why we should fund the sexual activities of a college student. This saddens me greatly. Somewhere, at some point in time, Ms Fluke was let down by her parents. At some point in her upbringing, the virtues of "if you want it, go out and earn it" went untaught and THIS is why I bring this topic up in this post. I didn't want to talk about this today, I HAD to talk about this today. No one is entitled to anything in this country except life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The ability to pursue is free but how you pay for what you pursue, this is completely up to you.
Republican, Democrat, Independent; it does not matter what your political beliefs are. Personal responsibility and accountability are essential to the success of our children and affect each one us and if we choose abandon this, we will all be paying for the activities of others whether we approve of them or not.
We're all motivated by something. It could be money, our faith, fame, recognition. It's different for each one of us but one thing that we all have in common is that if we're going to achieve genuine lasting success, that "something" has got to be big. Now I'm not talking about big in a large way but in an important way. As it's commonly to in the motivational marketplace, you have to have a big enough WHY. It's kind of funny when you begin to research something as basic as goal-setting or motivation and the same theme keeps coming up over and over. In this case, I actually do agree with the theory. If you're motivated by something (your WHY) and it's important to you, you'll stay focused and disciplined. If your why isn't important, you'll lose interest and stop working towards it. For example, if your why is something like life or death, you'll probably be inclined to push a little harder, but if it's a bit more superficial, odds are you won't follow through. If your WHY is big enough, nothing can stop you - because you simply won't quit. This is something that I honestly never had until recently. Growing up, I was always motivated by less than meaningful goals. Some I achieved, some I didn't. But none of them moved me to the point of a never-say-die attitude. I don't regret this (too much), but I do wish I felt the power of an unquenchable thirst for something (how's that for a colorful cliche'). This is one of the things that I'd like to instill in my kids - an attitude of achievement and persistence and discipline. If you want something bad enough, go after it and never rest until you've achieved it. It's worked for the greatest thinkers and leaders and achievers throughout history and it will continue to work if you simply have a great enough why.
If you've never done this before, share your personal stories of achievement and failure with your kids. It's easy to read about famous people who overcame the odds and achieved great success. Give them some stories that are a bit closer to home. Give them a little piece of yourself. And in case you were wondering what my current "why" is, you've probably already guessed, it's my
Did you ever have one of those spells where you just didn't want to write or talk to anyone? Yeah, me too. But then something inspires you, touches your heart and almost compels you speak out to anyone who will listen (kinda like this post). I recently attended a business and leadership conference called Get Motivated where a bunch of heavy hitting leaders of business, politics, finance, motivation and entertainment all come together for a one day festival of inspiration and motivation. This is the second time I've attended this and I was amazed once again at the lineup of speakers. In one short day, I was able to see Rudy Giuliani, Laura Bush, Howard Putnam, Krish Dhanam, Rick Belluzzo, Colin Powell, Lou Holtz, Dean Graziosi and Terry Bradshaw all speak for about 30 minutes each. It was pretty moving at times and though it was geared towards business, I learned pulled a great deal that touched me as a parent as well. I never really thought about it but you can take the exact same leadership skills you use at work and bring them home to you kids. After all, you are the CEO of your household. Qualities like: Responsibility Accountability Honesty Integrity Trustworthiness Decisiveness Compassion DisciplineThese are the cornerstones for everyone, not just business leaders. And just as we learn on the job at work, we're constantly learning how to be a better parent. We can use our experience as an adult to guide your kids. As they get older, our job changes. We start out holding their hand, and showing them the path, but then it's time to let go. Krish Dhanam, one of my favorite speakers created a nice visual for raising kids. He said we simply cannot open every door for our kids. We know things are tough but they have to know to fend for themselves out in the wild or they'll never succeed. Show them how to hunt, teach them how to defend themselves and let them grow. Open the first door for them and then let them find out how to turn on the lights. Lou Holtz was a big surprise for me. I knew he was a brilliant coach but I never knew why. His simple talk and persistent positive messages were infectious. He gave his Three Keys for Success: 1) Do Right 2) Do the Very Best Your Capable Of 3) Show People You Care - You can love all you want but that love doesn't touch anyone until you show it to them. He even admitted that this is as basic as it can be but it's absolutely true. In business or in your personal life, any relationship starts with three questions: Can I trust you? Are you committed to excellence? Do you care about me? If you sincerely practice his keys to success, the answer will always be YES. And will this come automatically? Nope, we have to work at everyday. Lou says that it's all in your attitude. You're not a winner or a loser. Your attitude is yours to choose. That makes you a chooser. As CEO of my family, I'm looking forward to adding a little corporate motivation into my kids' lives.
The other day I wrote a piece on faith. As a Christian, its our duty to spread the word of God to others in a tolerant and respectful way and I support that completely. Unfortunately, that day my piece wasn't on my faith in God, it was on a faith in yourself, each other and fostering that inner faith in our children. I feel very strongly about that because I see a lot of kids who believe a bunch of things but don't believe in themselves and their potential. This bothers me sometimes and I find myself getting a bit too passionate at times when I think about the future of my kids. Then I read a tweet from Jose Carlos JC's Notebook and it moved me. FAITH is God’s way of saying, "Leave everything to Me. You’ve done your part. Let Me do Mine" I've heard this before but like many of the messages that we've heard before, sometimes we just need to hear at the right moment to have an impact. This was the right moment. We all have issues and we'll always have problem's to deal with. Sometimes we need to let someone else handle them. And yes, this statement hits me just as hard as it hits some of you. "I am resilient and strong and I don't need help!" are the first words that come into my head...and I must change them. I must be willing to do the difficult thing and let God help with those things that I cannot get a handle on. He's there, I know. I just have to go and knock on his door. You'd never tell you kids to "take care of it yourself" if you knew they really needed help, would you? God wouldn't either. We know this and that trust that we have, that warm blanket of comfort we feel when we pray and reach out to Him is the real meaning of FAITH._
_It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Batman Begins, the first of the newer Dark Knight movies starring Christian Bale. Last night caught about 30 minutes of the modern classic. The first time I saw it, admittedly, I never really took notice of some of the more nuanced messages. In this version, Alfred, played by Michael Caine, is a much stronger character and his transition from butler to father figure is well played out. At one point he inspires wounded and dejected Bruce with a memorable quote once used by Bruce’s own father, “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” I’ll agree that it a bit cliched, but personally, I was really moved by that line. We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves us...brilliant! Has anyone called Congress or the White House and told them this? They should because it’s exactly right. Sometimes we do need to stumble. We need to know what it feels like to be down so we know what direction to head when it’s time to get up. This isn’t a support of failure or anything against a helping hand, quite the opposite. I know the power of the human spirit and what we're capable of. There are countless tales of rags to riches throughout history and even today and these are the messages that we must pass along to our kids. At some point in their lives, they’re going to get beaten down. How they react to that adversity is the true mark of their character and that is something we can (and must) help them create today. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Be the role model you've wanted to be and the inspiration for their success today.
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